Sunday, October 5, 2008

A Fissure in My Heart


Tonight at dinner I tried to play a familiar game with my "baby." I like to ask her to tell me who she is or what her name is. Her reply is usually something along the lines of "Kenna Benna," "Kenna Woah-sie" or just "Kenna Woes." I love these replies; hearing them is why I ask the question in the first place.

Well, tonight when I handed her a plate of spaghetti and said, "Here you go, Baby. Wait, what's your name?" my breath caught in my throat when her immediate response was a clearly pronounced, "Kenna Rose." When did this happen? When did my sweet baby learn to say the "r" sound correctly?

I seriously had to scold myself for thinking my heart is broken. I recognize that reaction might be a little over-the-top, but I am going to allow myself to say that my heart has a small tear in it now. A baby tear for the lack of baby in my life.

Perhaps I am extra sensitive because I have never, in all my ten years as a mother, had a three year-old and not had another baby (either in or out of the womb). Maybe that's why I need this three year-old to act like (or sound like) a baby a little longer.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

OOohhh I know how that feels. (of course by then we were just counting down to the last time we HAD to go to a kindergarten play.)

But I was sad. No more baby snuggles, soft baby hair... Margaret

Christie said...

I feel your pain, I'm struggling with this right now too.

Angela said...

Hmm, I know an easy cure. Ok, ok, so it's not THAT that easy. It does requires 18+ years of your life.

Come visit me after October 28th and you can satisfy your baby hunger with my new little one.

Jenni said...

I am sorry your baby is sounding so grown up! I totally understand, I get a little misty every time I pack away a box of clothes that don't fit Nina anymore. BTW that pic of Mackenna is absolutely adorable!!

Tracy said...

I don't want to hear any of your complaining. You are young, your husband is willing, just have another one.
My little Mackenna is grown up!

Corinne said...

I should just say "ditto" to Christie's comment

Rachelle said...

Its hard to watch our babies grow up. I have even started to get a little baby hungry lately, and I swore I didn't want another babe. Little three year olds can sure tug at our heart strings.

Sommer said...

I love that picture of Mackenna. I'm not looking forword to my last baby growing up, I'm sure that's very hard!

Mary said...

Interesting because this week I was sad because the difference a month has made in the life of my one year old makes him less likely to cuddle and more likely to walk.

Cami said...

I totally have that heartbreak when my kids finally get a letter/word right. Sad sad sad. Ethan isn't so lispy anymore, and it just shows him for the big boy he is. Ugh.

Would you like to try to babysit my mommy-obsessed baby to rid yourself of any baby hunger?

Amber said...

But the good news is she's closer to growing out of her terrible three's!

Deb said...

ok, no comments on how you could FIX that situation...., but if you need a baby fix, i have one and he's happy to cuddle up with anyone who will read him a story. :)

Julia A said...

You know, the other day in Nursery we were talking about Turkey Legs at the RenFest, and she told me all about how the turkeys are killed for their legs. I asked her if that was a good thing or a bad thing, and she said first that it was a good thing, and then she changed her mind and said it was a bad thing. I told her that it sounded like she'd been talking to Maia again.. ;)

Quotation of the Month

There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a million ways to be a good one.

-Jill Churchill