Friday, May 8, 2009

To the Vermin


Dearest Mickey and Minnie,

You are wonderful! My family and I quite enjoyed our vacation visiting your home a few years ago and plan to return for another visit in the future. We are also quite enamored with many of the movies you and your friends produce. Mickey, you are always a meek and kind. Minnie, you are the only creature I know who can pull off the whole black-tights-with-white-shoes look.
Kudos!



Dear Chuck E. Cheese,

You're great! Although you terrify my five-year-old, as a general statement of fact my children love your place. There is no end to the joy they feel as they run from game to game. I must confess my own giddiness when I play Skeeball or Wheel of Fortune. You really know how to provide a good time (even if my Michael would rather die than eat your pizza). Thanks for a great place to hang out with wild children on a rainy day.

Dear Stuart Little,

How adorable you are! I remember my parents reading me your book as a child and was pleased as punch to do the same to my children. My Mason watched the movie adaptation of your tale often when I was busy with newborn Marlee. (Can you believe how different Hugh Laurie is on House? It's hard to believe that's the same guy!) Anyway, back to you--you're a perfect little gentlemanly mouse.



To the Mouse Who Comes into My Pantry to Feast Every Night:

You are not welcome here. Get out. Get out! GET OUT! In case the three different kinds of mouse traps I've set are not communicating my true feelings on this topic, let me be clear: I don't want you in my house! I don't want to wake up in the morning to traps that have been licked clean by your greedy little hands, peanut butter that has been smeared all over the floor, and mouse feces that has been sprinkled liberally about. Look, Little Houdini, I am not sure how you are evading all the traps while still stuffing your face with my peanut butter bait, but enough is enough! You are welcome to live in my yard. Please, feel free to share my trash with Ricky the Raccoon and the countless squirrels who feast in it daily. But know this: your days in my pantry are numbered. I do not clip coupons, wrestle small children in grocery stores and line my pantry shelves with staples to feed rodents. Leave now or I'm going to get really mean.


Thank you,
Mendy Hunter

26 comments:

SydneyMin said...

Wow. I really feel for that poor mousie! :) Your post was so clever. I have a friend here in our ward that found mouse droppings in her dishwasher, and decided to redo her kitchen - and mice droppings were EVERYWHERE! Gross. Good luck :)

Melodie said...

I so feel your pain! I had a mouse problem in New Mexico while Morgan was deployed to Iraq. I bought all sorts of traps (humane and not-so-humane) and set them out. Every morning I found empty traps with a mixture of disappointment and relief. I was scared to death of having to dispose of any unwanted tenants. Really, what was Walt Disney thinking?!? Mice give me the creeps!
Oh, my word verification is funny: angsties. I hope your mousey doesn't give you any more angsties!

laura said...

And the memories come flooding back. My stomach is churning just from your little field mouse picture. May he die a timely death.

Christie said...

LOL!! You're a hoot. I am sorry to hear of your house guest. Some just don't know when to leave. :-)

Jann said...

Oh I hate mice. I have cats because of this. I was tired of the mice. I have a wonderful mouser cat, that you are welcome to borrow for a few days. The mice would be completely gone! In fact, it would probably only take one night. You have got to find where they are coming in. If you do, stuff steal wool in the hole then patch it up. They won't chew through steal wool. Good luck!

Mary said...

Travis too hates Chuck E' Cheese Pizza but if you get me a fruit pizza I'm in heaven. As for the little mouse have you tried the sticky traps. They work pretty well.

Tracy said...

Ewww, Ewww, Ewww. I hope your mice die soon. Although hearing about your mice made me appreciate my ant problem more.
Good luck on your killing spree.

Kourtney said...

i LOVE reading your blog!!! so clever! :) good luck!

Dawn Bader said...

You haven't seen field mice until you've lived in the back woods of Maine. Here's the best trap I've EVER seen... and it catches mice by the dozens! Take a 5-gal bucket, drill 2 holes in sides at top (holes go across from each other), place dowel thru one whole, place plastic soda bottle (with hole in bottom) on dowel (so dowel runs thru middle of bottle top to bottom), place other end of dowel in hole in side of bucket. Spread pnut butter on center of soda bottle, fill bottom of bucket with approx 2" water. Mice climb up side of bucket, walk across dowel, step on bottle and spin off, fall into the water & drown. Works great up here in Maine!

MaggieOnline said...

A spinning mouse trap? I'm definitely trying that one. (I won't tell you where our mouse lives - although I think we've finally defeated it.)

My word verifier is buglect. Does that have to do with neglecting bugs? Or a weird bracelet from Africa?

Sommer said...

ha ha ha I love your blog, you always crack me up!

carilarkins said...

I once touched a dead mouse thinking it was a pile of lint or conglomerate of dust bunnies in my pantry. I thought I was going to die. I hate mice but I love a good mice catching/killing story. Good luck.

Heidi said...

Hilarious post--but I'm so sorry about the mouse problem. Good luck!

Jenni said...

Ha!! Very funny, but yet not so funny... So sorry for the mice problem - hope they get whats coming to them soon!!

Julia A said...

Want to borrow my cat? She loves mice...

Deb said...

but he's so cute! certainly as cute as stuart little!

Deb said...

ha! the verification word was mousefi! even blogger likes mice!

Rachelle said...

I miss you my funny Mendy. I really don't think it is fair that Nicole can just randomly run into you.
And take it from a girl who had a whole mouse family living in her house at one time (babies and all) I so feel your anger at the pantry mouse.

Kellie said...

Nicely done, Mendy. And yes Hugh Laurie in Stuart Little was like a whole other man. You should see him in Jeeves and Wooster. Even better.

The Pugs said...

SO FRUSTRATING. Good Luck.

Sechrist Family said...

I would get mean fast!

erin sheely said...

Maybe that mouse is the best friend of the one that was hanging out at my house a few months ago!! That little bugger ate through an entire bag of chocolate chips and made itself a cute little hangout in my basement under the bathroom sink. It took Tom and Clint an hour to catch it one night. And then we had another fun little friend who we never caught. Maybe it's visiting you now that our pantry is empty...good luck getting rid of him!!

whitney allison said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck. I hate pests. we get ants. I hate them. Mice are worse though.

Susan said...

Thank you for the giggle. I love to read your posts, you are such a great writer! I hope your mouse woes go away quickly. I haven't had to deal with any mice yet, just lots of little house spiders!

Vanessa said...

We've done the mouse thing. I finally put out poison and within 24 hours almost stepped on two dead mice lying around on the floor. Sad for them, but they left me no choice!

becca g said...

Mendy you are so funny! I think you your mistake is that your house is too fun to be in. Mice like to have fun afterall. And judging by your previous post you have PLENTY of food!!! Wow do I have cereal envy now!

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